Something in (Me) You
The year was 2015. Life was good.
I had a well-paying job, my daughter was happy, and I was able to spend my time with someone in which we both enjoyed our company. Things were going good. Until it wasn’t.
In the middle of June that year, I lost my job. Carelessness, over worked, burned out, and lots of different reasons piled up and caused my ultimate demise. I lost a lot of things that first part of June – the place I was living, all my money, girlfriend, friends, and my job. I recall sleeping on the floor that first week afterwards because I felt that was where I belonged – as close to the bottom as possible.
I couldn’t tell family because I was embarrassed. The situation wasn’t me and I felt like I had let everyone down that knew me and that killed me. Most of all, I had let my daughter down. I wasn’t a dad and I wasn’t me. I wasn’t able to supply or be the daddy she had known me to be. I felt pretty empty that week.
The following Tuesday happened to be when Dopamine dropped. I, like many other followers, had anticipated, circled the date, and already committed money to buying the long-awaited album (long is the right word, too).
I remember that day well. I went and picked up my copy, loaded it on to my iPod, and went for a walk. A long walk. I listened to it from start to finish three times that walk. However, it was one song that I put on repeat until I returned to where I was staying. I started listening to “Something in You” over and over.
When I first listened to it, I took it and applied it to everything I was losing in life. It was, to me, my statement to all the people turning their back on me and saying “don’t go.” I wanted to tell that girl, coworkers, family and friends that I had always believed in them no matter what. Now is the time I need you to believe in me. And while family never strayed (in fact, was so much more than a person could imagine needing) everyone else………. Disappeared like they got lost in the clothes on the floor and the moment I wasn’t quite at MY best. And then I listened again. And again. And again. The song wasn’t meant for them. It was to me.
It was reminding me of what I knew was in me. What I had to give. What I had left. What I knew was good. What I needed to do for my daughter. What I needed to do for others. What I needed to do for MYSELF. The way that song sung to me was for me to change. To be. To Live. To do. To See. To everything.
Fast forward a week and a half, life still wasn’t great. I was still down. But from the moment they announced they were playing Summerfest, I was going. No matter what. Standing first bleacher. Waiting all day. I knew this concert was going to heal. It was a concert I NEEDED to have happen when it did.
They played. They rocked. They went off the list with Non-Dairy Creamer, Crystal Baller, and Palm Reader. It was a great show. And then the encore…. They come out to the reverb of the opening of that song. I knew right away and I’m sure 95% of those in the crowd had no idea what they were going to play. They start singing “Something in You” and I sang right along telling myself not to cry. That didn’t last long. Brad drops the bass drum lights it up into the chorus, the moment you make eye contact with Stephan and weeks of emotion just come out in full voice to that chorus.
For a moment, I felt like I was at a solo show being sung a song directly at me. And it hits me. That a-ha happy, sad, every emoji you could think of moment. I was fortunate enough to get a hello in after the show with him. This time it wasn’t a fan, giddy moment. I shook his hand and thanked him for everything he has done. For the music he has made. Without it, most things in life wouldn’t have found meaning or relation. And I cried again because I was able to tell someone thank you for something they had no idea they were helping me with. Life is better.
Since then I’ve lost 80 pounds. I’ve moved on through life. My daughter is still amazing and I’m still her favorite daddy as she puts it. That’s all that matters. I have a place to stay. I have a job. But most of all, I’ve found meaning for a journey that isn’t ending. All because I found the Something in (Me) You.