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Get Me Out Of Here

Get Me Out Of Here

Trigger

TRIGGER WARNING:

Be warned, this story is straight up brutal. There are sex and drugs, but it's not rock and roll. Here, Tasha gives an excruciatingly detailed account of a 3 day abduction where she suffered horrendous abuses and nearly died. Having literally been scared straight, she lives now to tell her tale…

Expert Tasha Boldt has a fire in her, a fight, a will to live.

The first story we shared of hers was her journey with 3eb. Coming from a traumatic childhood and navigating adulthood as someone with unmet mental and emotional health needs, along with all the other tragedies that life threw at her, 3eb is very much the soundtrack to her life and has helped her to face and conquer the chaos. In this story, we will hear another intense story from Tasha.

Be warned, this story is straight up brutal. There are sex and drugs, but it's not rock and roll.

Here, Tasha gives an excruciatingly detailed account of a 3 day abduction where she suffered horrendous abuses and nearly died. Having literally been scared straight, she lives now to tell her tale…

This is probably one of the hardest stories I've ever have to tell, but it needs to be told.

About two and a half years ago, I was homeless and living on the streets, due to my drug addiction.

I was not doing pretty things out there. I was a hooker. Selling my body was the only thing I ever really knew, my whole life. It's what my mother taught me. It's what my mother did to me. It was the only thing I ever knew to do to survive.

Baby Tasha

I had been pretty safe over the years. I've had some incidents, but one's not worse than the other, I guess you'd say. However, the 3 days that I was in store for were something that I hadn't experienced yet as an adult. As a child, yes, I was raped and beat on a daily basis - but as an adult is quite different. It hadn't happened to me like this… Here goes nothing.

Courtesy: Tasha Bolt

I bumped again, then I bumped again

I still remember… It was a hot day. I was coming down off of a 3 day binge, walking the streets, not knowing where I was going. I knew that I was tired and that I needed to rest. I got a call from a John that I had seen before and he agreed to pick me up. I guess this is the one time I wish I could go back in time and change things. I never would have gotten into that car if I had known what was going to happen. I did, though, and everything seemed normal.

He took me to a hotel somewhere in Orange County, the La Habra area, I believe. It was a nasty hotel, but that was nothing new for me. It was a roof over my head, so I didn't care. He paid me.

At this point in time, I was only worth $100 an hour, so I remember him telling me, "get your nasty whore ass in the shower - and make sure you scrub the filth off you!" I went in the bathroom and caught a glimpse of myself it the dirty mirror. I was a shell of myself, a zombie. I had scabs on my face, hands, and neck. There were bruises on my knees from being on them non stop.

Can we get the chemicals in ‘Cause anything's better than this

I was coming down hard, and if I was going to get the job done I needed to get high. I scraped a dirty meth bag I had found and mixed it with toilet water (I know, it was sick, but I was desperate and the sink didn't work). I put it up my butt, just like I had a million times before. The drugs kicked in and I perked up. I became what he wanted me to be. I was in the company of a stranger once again, trying to fuck, fuck, fuck, away the emptiness and having no clue what was about to happen.

Fuck, fuck, fuck away the emptiness

What did happen was something so horrible that this is, and will be, the only time I speak of it…

I remember that I was starting to feel way too high. My head was spinning. I was all over the place, tweaked out once again. He grabbed me by the back of my neck and shoved me onto the bed, laying all his weight on me (He was only 5'8 or 5'9 but he was huge, weighing over 300 lbs). His hand was dirty and he shoved his fingers in my mouth, forcing them down my throat. I felt and intense pain, like a knife ripping into my anus. I can't breathe. I can't move. I can't scream. I can't even cry anymore.

This was something that happened to me on a daily basis as a child. I had no more tears, no more fight. I went limp and left in my mind.

A robot heart is all you got

I remember coming to in the bathroom, tied to the shower head, with duct tape on my mouth, ankles, and hands. There was a pain in my leg. I looked down and to find him putting a needle of God-knows-what into my leg. I was completely powerless. Then, all of a sudden, I felt that familiar rush. I knew that rush all to well. It was meth.

Art: Tasha Bolt

My eyes were vibrating and my heart was pounding right out of my chest. He left the room, but I couldn't leave. I don't know how long passed, but there I was, with no way out.

The company of strangers

Eventually, I heard the hotel door open. Did he leave? Am I safe now? No. I hear voices. There's more than one man out there. I hear them exchange money and then the door flies open. It's not him. It's a different gross man. He turned on the water and it was so hot I started to scream. He turned the knob again and it went completely cold. My body began to go into shock. I feel like I'm dying. I'm thinking that would be a wonderful thing, to just go… but, no. It starts again…

The pain! The blood is filling the tub. Mentally, I escape again. I go to another place in my mind. I learned how to do that as a 3 yr old, every time that I was raped.

He finished. He is done. He zips up his pants and spits on me. He laughs. He leaves… but there are more. Some time after the 5th or 6th monster had paid to do what they wanted, I was still so high on meth that I couldn't even close my eyes.

The first monster comes back in. He has that same needle, full again. He shoots me up, but this time… I don't know this rush. I had never felt this before. What is it? I managed to get my words out and ask him what it was. He laughed at me and said, “Welcome to brown town, whore. It's heroin.”

The world darkens around me. I am out, yet still aware in some fucked up way of what was going on. I'm being repeatedly raped in every way possible, for 3 days. There were so many faces I chose to forget. Then it happens - my head clears, something clicks. I don't know how, but I'm aware! I'm ready. I am a survivor, and I can't die like this.

Art: Tasha Bolt

Don't give in

I was somehow able to get the tape off of my wrists. All the water that had run over me in those 3 days had worn it down. I got loose but could still hear him talking. I don't know who's out there, or how many there are. I can't go that way. I spotted a small window above the toilet. Determined to escape, I grab the only piece of clothing I could find - a nasty white tank top that one if them had left behind. My blood was all over it. I put in on and, without any hesitation or care, I jumped up on that toilet, threw the window open, kicked out the screen, and jumped.

I'm on the side of everyone who wants to stay alive

I ran. I had never run so hard or so fast in all my life. I was free! I had survived 3 days in hell.

Now what?

Time moves faster today but let's not speak of this

Some things you cannot mend

Here I am, beaten, bleeding from everywhere.

What do I do?

What I do best.

Tell them that's just my battle scar

I survived!!!

From that very day, my life was changed. I haven't walked the streets - and I'm clean! I am free. I huck it off and keep smiling. I'm weightless today, but I will, forever, show up wounded.

Show up wounded

Deeper Than Bones: A Chat With Charity On Mental Health and Music

Deeper Than Bones: A Chat With Charity On Mental Health and Music

Interview: Kim Comer

Interview: Kim Comer

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