Soundtrack To My Life: Shipboard Cook

Episode 3. For Mature Audiences. Strong Content. I encourage you to read Episode 2 before continuing. Read Now

Memories of windows, hospital sheets, and living in the background were immediate reasons to validate that Third Eye Blind's, Self Titled was really the soundtrack to my life.  

The year that I spent in Los Angeles after Christian's death, was definitely enough material to execute a full length screen play to the words found in each and every one of those songs.  

Every album after that was a love letter written to me coming straight from heaven, only thing is that no one believed me, and no one really listened long enough to understand what I really was trying to explain.  Let's Begin.

'I want to go to the ocean and send a postcard of my loneliness'

Before I even begin typing, my nose starts to tingle, this usually happens when the tears start to form, whenever I start to remember these memories that I am about to share with you. My son, Garvin, recently posted this photo (San Francisco in 1999), on his Facebook, and put a caption on it that read, "Young Garv".   He is now 24, and he too is celebrating 20 years in the blind.  

While Third Eye Blind was recording Dopamine and finishing the levels on the sound, Garvin was having his second encounter with Mr. Death.  I had no clue that Third Eye Blind was up to something. I had no contact with the outside world, as my world became only penetrated by scripture, praise and worship music.  I had no choice, I was on the frontline of  yet another battle with the devil himself.  This devil had succeeded 18 years ago, and dismantled my entire life, and this time when he tried to come for my son, I was prepared.

Dopamine. How appropriate. I mean when Third Eye Blind released Blue, we had a dog named Blu. A dog that I bought for Garvin to help him mourn his dad's death.  But Dopamine. The Brain. While Garvin was having two strokes! Stephan Jenkins is in a recording studio finishing up an album that references a chemical found in your brain and addiction...

While Garvin was having brain surgery and in a coma, and no sign of improvement, actually all signs pointing to death,  Stephan was recording new music. Lyrics like these 'I go out the way that I feel, You think I'm just a fiend, I'm just a chemical in your head, I'm just that Dopamine, So come on line me up, Come on line me up, Come on line me up that Dopamine'.  Come on. You can't make this up.

Forgetting you is so elusive I'd runaway but it's always this, You're the only one I love

Courtesy: Justin Keable

But I had no idea. I was busy praying, staying in a warrior stance. Sometimes not showering or even blinking in order to guard my post, at his bedside. That lasted a total of 5 months. I did mention two comas, right, this was the second. I was exhausted and the total number of months I spent fighting this spirit of addiction over my son, in the hospital was 9 months. The length of a pregnancy. A rebirth.  My son, Garvin had to learn how to walk, twice, learn how to read and write and basically learn how to do everything all over again.  I will share more on that in 'The Soundtrack of My Life: Dopamine.'

And I wish I was conscripted in the merchant Marines

Team Thiele

I became a pro at fasting.  I was so desperate to see my son survive, but not just survive. I didn't want it to just be what the doctors were stating that he would be, a vegetable. I wanted him to live.  I got on this prayer call, and they told me to fast for three days, just water, and that I would see miracles right before my own eyes.  Ok. Its my kid. You tell me to give up food for any other reason, I would send you to hell, but for my son, 'Anything'.

This worked. this fasting worked! Not only that, I was glowing, his hair started growing back, his speech and motor skills improved instantly.  I am not selling religion, here, just telling you the facts. In September 2015, Garvin was released and accepted into the Dream Center.  He chose that rather than going to a nursing home, where the doctors wanted to release him.  So I would keep on fasting, not just once, but every week.  I made it my lifestyle.  Fasting to me reminded me of when I was a child. I would throw a tantrum, and refuse to eat until I got my way.  Brilliant. I had to break it down that way, so that everything would be easy. 

March 2016.

On this particular weekend, I was on my way to visit my parents, who had just moved to California.  I was on the third day of my "just water fast". At this point, there is no hunger, and it's actually the best high too.  You tune in to things more, you become sensitive in your spirit man. One of the reason I believe, is because our digestive system doesn't have to work over time, so the body just resets and becomes more alert.  

As I was driving, I had a vision of my photos and all my belongs that are boxed up in my friends haunted basement in Brooklyn.  I refer to it that way, because it was dark and damp,  the last time I had stopped in for a visit to see my dog that ended up with him in the 'settlement', (more on that later).  I made a mental note to reach out to my friend, so that he could at least send me all my journals but most importantly Christian's writing and my photos of Garvin meeting Stephan Jenkins when he was six, and that was that. 

Shanghaied into service of sails and machines, Just to stay alive

I finally arrived and was greeted by both my parents, who were happy to see me. I had not been there more than ten minutes before my mom said, 'Liseli, I have something for you, remember Chris's writings?, here..'.  And she hands me a box. Miracle on Shady Elm Street. (real street name too)

Here comes the Truman Show. or maybe even the Horror Show. You Ready.

We had an amazing dinner and by now it was time to open the box.  What do you know, in one of my semi charmed life episodes of rose sips through my nose in 1999, I had faxed my mom 30 pages with a cover page that read, "please save this as evidence". Well this particular evidence, was about the length of the entire house, in one yellow scroll that look like the ancient writings of Indiana Jones.  The type was so faint that it was a mission to make out what it said. My mom, stayed up with me that night though, as I slowly read the words to her. She would stop me and keep mentioning how Chris's writings reminded her of  Stephan Jenkins music.  Why was she bringing up Stephan Jenkins?  The last album to my knowledge was Ursa Major. It was just odd to me that on this particular night, Stephan had cross our mind in disarray, twice.

Christian Paul Thiele

And my sister keeps it simple she's the shipboard cook, She can drive a line but if you take a look, She's kind of worried though

Art By Christel Cruz

The very next morning, I receive a text from my darling sister.  "Third Eye Blind is on tour, they will be in Santa Barbara on April 7, Let's go!!!"

Now, this is where I turn to the right and to the left and look up and look behind, and say, "Ok, You Got My Attention".  So now, a tour could only mean one thing, a new album!  So I search the internet and there it was, a new video.

Get Me Out Of Here! That was the name of song! What is this? Stephan Jenkins holding a make up brush singing in the mirror. Was this some kind of joke.  

Art By Christel Cruz

This was what my sister and I would do when we would hang out. Sing in front of the mirror like that and make dramatic film noir inspired videos for the last 2 1/2 years.  I took a deep breath and watched the video.  

Music video by Third Eye Blind performing Get Me out of Here. (C) 2015 Mega Collider

OH MY GOD. It was as if the old movies that I use to have of Chris and I on the beach in SF, and when we were traveling the coast in our RV, where edited together.  And the scene of her throwing the plate, can't tell you how many times that happened, and the frustration of the character that Stephan plays.  It was us. All family Thiele released. The Twilight Zone.

Cause I keep hoping you will find me, hoping you will find me

In one instance I knew that I was not alone in the room. At that very moment, I had prickles on my skin.  In that very moment, a flood gate of europhic feelings overwhelmed me.  'Would You Die For Me?"

I tried gypsy table wrappings and séance stunts, I keep an open mind but I think it's just a front, I want to believe it though

My parents could hear me crying, laughing, breathing heavy and every other emotional convulsion, from the other room. And my mother was shocked when I screamed bloody murder, "Third Eye Blind came out with a new album".  I quickly downloaded the album. Track One played.  

"And then you speak to me And everything gets easy Like I get what I wanted Now I'm just haunted by you constantly And everything gets easy" 

Jenkins captures glimmers of the magic. Opening track and lead single “Everything Is Easy” shows that he still knows his way around a hook. The song’s chorus is vintage Third Eye Blind, both enthralling and kind of sad. “I’m just haunted by you constantly,” Jenkins sings, and it’s only the first of many times his ghosts come to the forefront. “I’m always a ghost,” he screams on “Shipboard Cook”. - Consequence of Sound

Than, Track 2. Shipboard Cook. What is a S-h-i-p-b-o-a-r-d C-o-o-k?? What does it mean?  I had to keep pausing the song, because my sister was also on the other end getting a download and making a plan to get the tickets for the show.

My sister says forget her boy that's all that you need, She's pitching magical elixir's in bottles full of mead for a broken heart, It's too late for that

This was a crazy scene in my Colombian families life, and trust me we have had our share, but this, and the timing. It was right on time.  While many of the 3eb Experts, have stories about their Dopamine tour adventures, this is where mine would take flight.  

So line 'em up boys here's to your youth Sing loud enough to tell the truth, I lost myself that's why I lost you, Oh let go of that whipping post

Stephan Jenkins once again was spitting out gold. He was spitting out truth. His voice had a level of conviction in it, making sure people knew that he was back while making sure I got the memo about that whipping post I was holding on too for so long.  Which to me is that state of living where you beat yourself down so bad, that you are killing yourself slowly with all the shit life throws at you. And then he says it...

I'm always a ghost

These days, San Francisco is a good place to look for ghosts. Some might be hiding in the fog that rolls across the Sunset in the morning; others in the storefronts making way for condos in the soon-to-be-barely-recognizable Mission. If all else fails, head straight for the skull of longtime resident Stephan Jenkins, whose latest output as the frontman and ringleader of Third Eye Blind feels as much like an exorcism as it does an album. - Consequence of Sound

Company of Strangers: Stephan Jenkins

I couldn't breath.  The presence was so alive, and it wasn't in my head, my mom was witnessing it too.  She had listened long enough to understand this time, and I was able to establish that all these years of living in the blind, were finally starting to make sense.  That all these years of pain had an explanation.

That on the other end of all this, there was a talented man by the name of Stephan Jenkins, getting harassed by the critics and media for not finishing the album because he had writers block, while trying to come up with the word 'demon' for 'All These Things.'  The timing was perfect. Orchestrated perfectly.

You're about as haunted as a darkened basement, I got all the chances of a dog In a settlement

Third Eye Blind’s appeal lies in its ability to trigger intense feelings of nostalgia. These feelings aren’t tied to a particular era in the band’s career; it’s been like this since the beginning, when “Semi-Charmed Life” wished it could get “back there” and “How’s It Going To Be” dwelled on a time last fall when lightning was always about to strike. For Jenkins, the perfect life seems always to be receding into the past. - Consequence of Sound


I live by secrets she'll never tell, I ride alone without them on a deep sea swell, I heard there's someone new and she starts to talk

I will say this again, my story is my story. I am not here to make anyone believe me, or even have anyone agree. I am just stating my facts and what makes Third Eye Blind real to me.  For me, the mastermind lyricist, Stephan Jenkins, serves as someone that is a vessel to deliver a message to many. To actually help them heal. To inspire people, like he has inspired me, to channel this pain into an art form instead of keeping it all inside, all in my head, so that it won't be 'A requiem for when I'm dead that no one else can hear'.

In this twisted fucked up film noir

So the word that once use to haunt me, 'widow', became a signature.  This song was a scripture to me. A dose of 'Dopamine' a day and I was encourage to speak loud enough to tell the truth.  I had experience a rite of passage. It all began to be ok, in my heart, in my mind.  The word 'ghost' no longer held a negative meaning. We no longer did drugs, We were Drugs.

Recently I had a Summer God's moment in Boston while traveling with a few fellow experts.  The words that Stephan spoke were sincere, and angelic, I was holding back the tears. When I started this all, it was really just an opportunity to spend time with my husband's ghost. And now here I was in Boston, a city where I once had contemplated ending my life, on July 4, 1999 -- but now in the company of strangers, that appreciated me.

Funny how life works. I had also fasted three days, 'just water' before heading out on this trip but I never imagined in a million years, that this would happen at this Meet & Greet. From the bottom of my heart, Thank You Stephan and Brad.  And the timing of Summer Gods EP will be perfect, just like Shipboard Cook was.

Jenkins predicts that "what's more likely is you're going to get the Summer Gods album in the fall and somebody will find some meaning in that .."


So line 'em up boys here's to your youth, Sing loud enough to tell the truth, I lost myself and that's why I lost you, Oh let go of that whipping post, I'm always a ghost, I'm always a ghost.