Many Blessings Come For You
In Loving Memory of Christian Paul Thiele
Many Blessings Come For You
Part 1: The Day I got Pregno.
Mature Audience Only
Summer, 1992. June 6, to be exact.
Click your heels, I feel you come for me, carefree. She's got something big to tell me.
That morning, I woke up. The birds were chirping. It was a beautiful day to be alive. Everything at home was just getting started and, since I was home from boarding school on summer vacay, it was perfectly fine to sleep in. That was one of the highlights of being back. I had finished my junior year.
Time had already played its role in my home, relieving some of the tension from the nightmare that had happen a year and half before. From the whole situation, I was lucky enough if I had one real friendship that survived. Knowing what I know now, any friend that leads you to deceive your parents should be wisely considered.
When I answered the phone, the excitement of her voice was shocking. She asked me a question.
“Will your parents let you come to the mall?”
What seems like a perfectly normal question to you was a taboo in my home. I had broken my parents’ trust, as well as the entire family. So, asking a question like that had to be well planned out, and actually worth it.
There was silence for a while, but, if you could hear me thinking, it would probably have sounded like the thoughts of a mad scientist or an escape artist. That is when I caught myself. I asked, “what’s at the mall?”
“Chris wants to see you.” She didn’t even hesitate. She actually said it quite normal. I had to check to see if anyone had been listening on the other end; My heart stopped beating for a few seconds.
Chris. Chris had gotten word that I was back home. And he wanted to see me.
On any other occasion, I would have been ecstatic, but lying to my parents - when things were actually peaceful in the Cruz Home - to see Chris... I had to think about it.
I put the phone down, took a deep breath, and ran to the kitchen where I would find my dear mother. I just went for it; The lie just poured out like truth and I did not feel guilty, not one bit. I actually enjoyed the lie, not that I had to lie to my parents. It was the entire mission of danger, to see if I could get away with it. The excitement eased the anger that I had been digesting since I was seven years old.
The thing, though, is that I was never really good at getting away with anything.
“Would it be ok if Tina picks me up for a few hours so I can accompany her to the mall?” How proper and fabricated I sounded. The “ask Dad” rebuttal was delivered instantly. With my heels clicking together, I skipped to the den and confidently asked, as if I deserved to have the world handed to me on a silver platter.
As I always say, ask as if you were already given permission. My parents didn’t deserve that deception. They were really great parents; They worked hard to give us the best of everything. They married young; They had defied their parents and eloped. It was a romantic love story that we heard often. They didn’t deserve the deception that came from me that day.
Chris. You see, Chris was everything to me. My heart was in pieces, and this would be my first chance to see him since that day, the day I will never forget, ever. December 12, 1990. It was a Wednesday. Enough time had passed, with much heart break, and I had to see him face to face. I had to make some sense of all of this.
I can’t tell you about the car ride to the mall, but time stood still when Tina’s car pulled into the parking lot of the Jefferson Valley Mall.
She let me out; She couldn’t stay. She was literally just dropping me off. At a distance was the blue convertible Cabriolet and Chris walking towards me.
It was just like in those black and white classic movies where you start slow, and then you pick up the pace, and you meet mid air, and it’s the longest most amazing embrace. I couldn’t believe I was actually hugging him. He had been like a ghost since I had last seen him.
“Consequence and ozone catch a glow”
That afternoon, in the Summer month of June, we created life.
I'm in trouble now and it cannot wait. She's ten days late. Boy, your life got complicated. Well, I can't wait to see this through. She's ten days late. ten days late...
Ten Days Late was released off the Blue Album, November 1999, and this is when I knew something was weird, as every song in the Blue Album was like a letter from my beloved husband, Chris. It was only after seeing Third Eye Blind in March 2000 that everything clicked, when we met Stephan in person, and my son remarked, "Mom, he looks like dad." The more the story unfolds, the more weird it gets, so I will remind the reader that the love I have for Stephan and the band is from a very special place. The music captivates me, lyrics about ghosts and widows, windows, and SF and NYC, especially when they start appearing later on in albums like Dopamine.
I have decided to embrace all of this and heal from it. To begin to examine each narrative within the Third Eye Blind catalog and what is yet to come is allowing me to understand more and more of my purpose in life and shift from the mindset of a defeated artist and human being. This journey has been with a select group of individuals. This is not about crazy fandom, or idolatry, or not listening to other music, it’s actually about finding the music of Third Eye Blind transcending and very much alive. That each song and lyric that vibrates off those records can be interpreted differently, depending on your heart condition. And in my world the only thing that does that to me, is the Bible. In my opinion this is why Third Eye Blind has such an underground following and radio in the beginning was only a way to hook the ones that were supposed to understand the insane talent of Stephan Jenkins.
I am also not stuck in the past; there is a time for everything. I believe that the time is now. I had to struggle many years, and many years I was on the top still struggling, unhappy, with many friends. I never got to heal or even mourn as I had to try to keep it together. Many people think I want to be the biggest fan. Not at all and there is never any of that, I am an artist taking my pain and learning from it and spending time with people that understand me. Just like any other group does, Bowling Club or a Poker Club. If Third Eye Blind wasn't my late husband's favorite band, I would love them just like I love The Doors, Cranberries, Fleetwood Mac, and Neil Diamond, you get the point. But because I have realized that Heaven isn't so far away and I can turn on any song and have powerful visuals and then turn on their music videos and wonder if Stephan drew inspiration from somehow seeing my home videos (just kidding),this is what makes Third Eye Blind the soundtrack to my life. Here is a scene fromThe Ten Days Late Video that reminds of that hot June afternoon in his darkened basement at his mother's house.
To Be Continued: The Day I told Chris I was Pregno.