A Robot Heart: Depression sucks.

“If you’re the one who knows me best So tell me why, why do I feel so so so so so so depressed I want to live a life of danger I like holding on to the company of strangers.”

Think back to a time when you were sad. Extremely sad or in a place where nothing seemed to go right, you couldn’t think clearly or see light at the end of the tunnel. Now, multiply that by 100 and contemplate feeling that way nearly every day for most of your life. That’s depression. Or, at least I think it is.

Depression sucks. Having a loved one who suffers from mental illness presents a whole new set of challenges, beyond the normal ins and outs of a relationship. As I recently watched my loved one sink into a deeper, darker hole and become someone I no longer recognized, I felt myself slipping into darkness. I was faced with more questions and emotions than I knew what to do with. My world seemed to be turning upside down and not much was making me happy, not even music. That so wasn’t me.

Around this time, I was presented with Third Eye Blind lyrics in which I was to create a story. These were lyrics I knew but hadn’t thought too much about before. As I read them, I got a vision, and felt the need to draw what I saw to explain what I was feeling. Not being a super creative person, this was all new to me so I went with it.

It’s a simple drawing, with a lot of symbolism, and was very therapeutic to do. It made me realize I wasn’t helping anyone by living like a robot, just getting through the days, but not living them. I shifted my focus, made a point to remember to be the better person, no matter how ugly things had gotten. Changing my perspective, staying emotionally sound, and not taking things too personal helped me get out of that funk. Also, going back to doing things that I enjoyed, like listening to Third Eye Blind and hanging out online with my fellow Misfits, was very important. Third Eye Blind continues to be a constant positive in my life and I am incredibly thankful for the band and all they do. I am also thankful for the wonderful people I have met because of this band. Now is the best time to be a fan and I look forward to what the future holds.